How Do You Know If You're Old To Be Hip?

I know I am old to be hip when:

I encounter a lot of strange relatives while riding a jeep, bus or FX and somebody calling me; “Manong, pwede pong paabot ng bayad ko?” (Ineng, mag-kamag-anak ba tayo?)

I’m having second thoughts of using abbreviated texting lingo—gud am or gud pm; btw for by the way, “w8 for wait, 2moro for tomorrow, 4get for forget, syl as in see you later, smiley sign, “copy,” etc., (para kasing di na bagay eh. helleeer)

I couldn’t memorize the cell number of my wife even though she has it for years.

The cashier at the cinema booth doesn’t bother to ask for any identification card that would establish my age when watching movies with a rating of “For Adults Only.” Worst if the cashier will ask for my Senior Citizen Card to avail a free movie in Makati Theatres, (Sabunutan ko kaya yung teller)

Waiters stare worriedly at me across the buffet table when I partake of the “lechon” and the “kare-kare.”

Young ladies ignore me upon entering a restaurant but seem interested instead with my son. (Alam ko, gwapo ang anak ko, pero kanino pa ba magmamana yun?)

The order-takers at fast-food chains always ask me if I want orange, tea or light cola—not expecting me to order regular Coke, which I prefer.

Doctors tell me not to eat foods that are sweet, salty, oily, saucy, or those with seeds, and a lot of others that make life enjoyable—leaving me to wonder what on earth is there left for me to eat.

I’m reading the Editorial section of the newspaper and skipping showbiz column and other youth-oriented articles because I find it boring.

I get to call our maid by different names, and calling her “Manang” instead as a quick and error-free solution. Generic law.

I’m singing new wave songs (a hit during my era) and feel insulted if my son will ask me, “Daddy ano yang kina-kanta mo?” (Sarap batukan )

I am in a hurry to get something in the kitchen but I can’t remember what it is when I get there. “Bakit ako nandito?” “Nasaan si Basilio, Crispin nasaan ka?

I am giving life-related advices using my past experience to stress a point. (Read as: Old Veteran)

There’s one thing I never forget to do, however. It is to pray day and night to the Lord and thank Him for life’s wisdom.