Tuesday, February 3, 2009
“Perfecting” an Imperfect Marriage
A Filipina married to a foreigner based in the Middle East asked me a question in a social networking forum. “Just wandering if perfect marriage does exist? I mean the one that doesn’t have any quarrel or misunderstanding?” She described her relationship as atypical of what marriage relationship that most of us probably knew.
Our definition of “perfect” marriage depends on how we look at our marriage life. Sometimes, we gauged our relationship’s performance by comparing it to such unrealistic “standards” of what perfect marriage should be. Romance we see in movies or probably read in novels is an example of a relationship in its highest form of exaggeration. More often, such illusional relationship is a way of achieving the product’s commercial purpose -- to sell. The more you tried to compare yours to such illusionary relationship, the more you feel resentful of your marriage.
While most of us think that a perfect marriage is the one who is a worry-free relationship, however, we could not even come up with an example of a self-confessed couple, claiming that they have a real fantastic relationship that is worth of everyone’s envy. The truth is, you can’t find any; not even one.
Marriage is similar to cooking. A dish can’t have its distinct taste without its flavorful ingredients, and so does marriage. A marriage relationship with partners having occasional misunderstandings, whether trivial or complicated; or where one partner caused hurt feelings to another is a relationship “perfected” by its imperfections. Lest we forget that these imperfections make our marriage becomes matured and immune to the same marital woes.
There is no secret in perfecting an imperfect marriage but partners who are both ready to do their individual share in their relationship. An effort to reach a decision by making sure that whatever imperfections they might have will just be things of the past. You can never plan your marriage future if either one of you or both are still dwelling in the past.