It is a human nature to yearn for anything unavailable, the one we cannot fully posses. We crave for things that are beyond our reach and the same goes with love relationship. But the moment we have it the sooner to lose much of its appeal. There seems to be truth to it. Have you observe one’s obsession of having a nice car, best rest house or even best job? Is one’s insatiable yearning for anything more stops the moment they have those in their possession?
Whatever we highly value and try so hard to acquire tends to lose much of its appeal the moment we have it, right? That’s a reality and the same goes particularly in marriage. Many look back to the courtship as the more satisfying phase of their love relationship. But once settled the love flame begins to fade. Are you all nodding your heads in agreement? It’s ok and I don’t blame you for that for I have been there once in my love relationship.
Raising One’s Perceived” Value”
It came to a point during my marriage relationship, that as soon as I was assured that I’m wanted and needed by my wife, I wanted to be courted by her. However, this 360 degrees twist of role boggles my mind, because the more I feel assured of her devotion, the faster I fall out of love. Ok, it could be unfair to quickly condemn other man to be like me for other maybe having a hard time controlling their emotional tides. Perhaps they may be in great misery over their ebbing for affection from their spouses.
On the other hand, the woman cannot be blamed for being sore over her man’s emergent disinterest in her. She may contain her grievance for a while, trying to understand what and who’s causing his husband’s sudden coldness on her. Usually, it’s a common thing to put the blame perhaps at another woman whom her husband might be having an affair with. As she thinks that she will eventually lose him, her yearning for him grow into mad obsession.
I once had a thought that my wife intentionally makes herself “scarce” to me when it comes to sex, perhaps a tactic for raising her perceived value. “He craves for me more when I’m not available,” as I thought she might be thinking. Well, this trick could be effective at one point but is often short-lived and sometimes, can lead to harmful repercussions. Oftentimes this scheme crates false perception for there’s no real intimacy develops between partners for the relationship is laced with lies.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
It is said that familiarity breeds contempt and so probably does security. During courtship, our affection combines with our fear of losing the other person are the driving forces behind one’s effort to please his beloved. But once the challenge is gone, the attraction begins to decline. The very things we do in courtship may have much to do with our feeling of being in love. Our good regard for the other person is sustained by our efforts in always trying to charm him or her. The sweet nothings, the dinners together, the intimate moments, everything helps turn the initial reaction into deep affection.
When you had exchanged “I do’s,” you committed yourselves to love each other and stay together in marriage. Yet with today’s rising number of broken marriages, it’s obvious that keeping this commitment is really hard to “keep.” That is actually the area where you need to focus—commitment.
How to Stay Committed
Commitment means making yourself aware of the other person, and knowing oneself is an important requirement in a love relationship. There has to be a profound understanding between the partners of their obligations to each other and to the union. If we are to continue loving our mates, we must go on courting them, even after feeling assured of their devotion. Go back to the times when both of you were on the stage of courtship. How do you make her feel loved every time she gets messages on her cellular phone? How do you make him feel cared and loved every time you slipped a small notes in his wallet without him knowing it and by chanced read it while looking for a bill in his wallet?
Couples must continually find new expressions of love and concern for each other and their respect for each other, similar to what they do during courtship. Otherwise, they will risk diminishing their feelings and even their respect for each other. You must enjoy making your partner happy for it is the foundation of a healthy union, when one does to another gratifies both of them.
But if someone may object that if being in a relationship is to be such as that painstaking effort, then better stay out of a relationship. Work hard on your maturity until you gain the capacity to share yourself and your life with another. In the meantime, go hug yourself in the corner, have a beer and spare the world of a possible broken love relationship.
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