Saturday, April 26, 2008
Making Relationship Work - A Decision to Make
Making Relationship Work - A Decision To Make
Relationship’s Three Rings
Fr. Larry Tan, SDB; is one of my favorite Salesian Catechists because of his antics unusual for a priest. I remember him one time giving a humorous but truthful homily during a Sunday Service. He said: “There are three kinds of rings in every relationship. First is the Engagement ring; a symbol of commitment between two lovers. The ring is symbolic of an ownership of one party to the other and vice-versa. Second is the Wedding ring; a symbol of engagement in its highest form thereby both parties agree to bind their commitment legally and with the blessing of the Holy Matrimony; that what God had joined, let no man separates. The third is Suffer-ring; being the last ring symbolic of pain suffered from a bad relationship after losing its magical spell.” His homily brought down all parishioners inside the church to laughter. However, I wish to add one more ring to what Fr. Larry had told. This is Tiri-ring (ring of lunacy); apt to partners who had lost their sanity because of unbearable pain and suffering caused by bad relationship. But was it really the relationship gone badly or the partners?
Always Looking for a Quick Way Out
I was browsing a thread from a social networking group when I chanced upon a forum titled: “Marriage or Live-in?” The majority is in favor of live-in over marriage simply because of convenience. In this age of modernization, everything comes easy; ATM that dispenses money anytime and anywhere, Instant Noodles, Instant Coffee and the like. It is a common nature of human to desire convenience. This common desire is the reason why we always dream of the impossible—to find the best partner in life. In so doing, people go in and out of a relationship, as if one so eager to find best buys from items up for sale. But the question is: Why would you look for a best mate where in fact you’re not perfect either? The truth as we all know it; nobody is perfect, not even one.
There is No Bad Relationship But Bad Partners
When marriage started to lose its intimacy or when fairy tale’s magic wanes out, couples are starting to entertain the thoughts of escaping to find another Romeo or perhaps, a new Juliet. How easy after all to get out of a messy relationship to find someone new. It is the thought perhaps that marriage, like any other contract will terminate at the end of a predetermined expiry date. We never realized however, that it is the couple who must consummate the relationship in order for it to work wonderfully as it should and not the other way around. Relationship fails not because it is bound to fail but it is because partners failed to do their respective share in the relationship.
Relationship is a Decision
Making a decision is arriving at a solution that ends uncertainty or that settles a dispute. It is distinguishing between options; some big, some little, some good and some evil. When making a decision, you must choose between little things such as chocolate or vanilla ice cream or big issues like which career to pursue or what house to buy. How about a decision whether to stay or get out of a bad marriage?
My marriage is an example of a relationship that almost gone off-track. If not for my wife’s decision not to surrender to all of my misgivings, I would be singing a different tune at this point. How she bears to continuously loving an immature and conceited husband as I used to be is a decision she had made at the time when our marriage is on-the-rocks. Had she opted for an easy way out of a shaky relationship, I would not even have the moral ascendancy to write this article.
Making Relationship Work
We all made mistakes. Some are accidental while others are intentional and sinful. But what had happened in the past must stay in the past and should never be opened unless you want to unleash the curse inside Pandora’s Box. Love never keeps records of wrongs and misgivings but good memories.
Many times I have used this favorite phrase: “There is no such thing as marriage made in heaven.” But marriage could be a bed of roses or bed of thorns depending on how we want it to be. For a relationship to work requires love put into action. Love has to be compounded by hard work between two willing partners in order for a relationship to work. While it is true that love had started it all however, your good intention of making your relationship work will re-define the meaning of love from a “simple noun” into “verb.”
The right decision is not always the popular and the easiest one. Ask for God’s discernment in all the decision that you are going to make not only in your marriage but also to your life as a whole. And with that, you can never go wrong and you are sure that you will be making a good decision.