Monday, April 7, 2008


One time I had a brief but worthy of note conversation with Emy, one of my friendsters and fellow MHSian. The talk was casual and relaxed until we turned up to love life discussion. The happy tête-à-tête suddenly altered its mood and tone, for a moment I felt apologetic for asking the trigger question? How is your husband? It all fired up here and off-the-cuff, uninterruptedly she spoke about without any qualms as if we were best of friends her love and marriage life torments and trials . She talked more than me as if she really wanted to squeeze out everything hurting her inside , not minding giving me a chance to respond. I understand . She said...” I really need someone to talk to”.... I replied : “go on... I am listening”.. .

In a relationship women are usually the “little guys” and end up the losers. Men’s infidelity and irresponsibilty are the primary culprit in a relationship split up. I am not saying that men are responsible and are to to be condemned for all of the relationship break ups nor am I saying that women are perfect and impeccable . Men and women are human beings with chinks in their armors and capable of making mistakes. And because the world is imperfect too, we can not survive without it. Men easily get lured and tempted with these imperfections than women. Women experienced rage when their sense of rights are disregarded. They will feel aggrieved and offended at the persons who have violated their trusts. These wrongful doings create sticking points between couples and their relationships are ruptured. Women cant go on living even if desired to live as if the sins are not perpetrated .They call for justice. When husbands treat their wives unjustly, the pain and anger pull a longing for fairness and a desire for compassion. Justice does not typically fix up relationship although for a moment it may bring satisfaction. Temporary relief from pain and miseries that infidelities, incompatibilities, dominance, physical and mental abuse, and disrespect brought into their hearts. And what justness do they expect? . . . Its a simple “ I’m Sorry”. They say the more intimate the relationship, the more the longing for reconciliation is. The reason most marriages are bitter and aloof is because we have failed to ask for forgiveness. Men’s sincere apology makes a genuine reconciliation possible. It can even change the sad outcome of a bitter separation. Without apologies resentment builds up and pushes on to claim justice or take matters onto their wives’ hands and seek retribution. Wrath intensifies and end up in violence or self destruction. Apology enables forgiveness and reconciliation. Wife can forgive her husband without apology but it darkens the chance of reconciliation. The problem is most erring husbands don't bother to make apologies for their misconducts and seek behavioral corrections for their offended wives. Apology and forgiving is a two party deal towards settlement and reconciliation.

My stand is unyielding that men cheat more than women. They are innately polygamous. But God gave them the power of choice and self control. I believe that we all have the sense of morality and conscience that God has imprinted in the hearts of every human being. Apology can appease a guilty conscience. The only way to effectively relieve our fell and disgraced conscience is to apologize to God and to the ones we offended. But if apology is no where to be found to attain reconciliation we can do nothing less than to forgive. Forgive even apologies don't have to be at stake. Remember, the person who gets the benefit of forgiving is always the person who does the forgiving. Why do we have to put our future and happiness in the hands of those who hurt us? When you forgive you have to forget to be healed of the rotten memories and the pain we never should have felt in the first place.When you forgive you set a PRISONER free and then you discover that the prisoner you set free is YOU!

They say marriages are made in heaven and unholy to break it, while others say that its easy to walk out of a marriage than actually dealing with it and working it out. But a simple “I am sorry” and ”I forgive you” can lead a way towards restoring marriages and goodwill. These are “magic words” that have made reconciliation always possible. When these words are uttered, we can look God in the face, look ourselves in the mirror, or look the other person in their eyes . . . straightly without a blink; not because we are faultless but because we have been willing to take accountability for our limitations and failures.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

(Colossians 3:19)

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